I'm writing about another topic, like the one below, where I'm essentially saying that I've suffered from judgment that is the opposite of the judgment that most other women feel. In this case, it's related to sex, and previously, I wrote about body image. However, I want to clarify that what I'm writing about now is, in my opinion, a way more serious issue. Being criticized for being skinny sucks, but it's not something that's devastating for me. What has been consistently traumatizing throughout my life is being criticized for not being promiscuous enough. This is serious shit I'm talking about now. Before, I was casually suggesting that it isn't only hard to be fat; skinny girls get criticized too sometimes. Now, I'm fucking demanding that we stop suggesting that girls only feel pressured to be virginal and save sex for marriage. Stop it. Immediately. While this may be the case for some girls, it's certainly not a universal experience. Asserting that girls are pressured to repress their sexuality is so unbelievably hurtful and insulting to girls whose experiences mirror mine.

I read this story on Jezebel a little while ago (http://jezebel.com/5884154/my-sex-number-is-one-and-hes-my-husband) that finally reflected the pressure I feel, which is the exact opposite of the pressure that every other woman and girl on earth seems to feel. I get so fed up with all this talk of the pressure on women to be virginal. Maybe it's just my experiences based on my socialization, but I've always felt pressure to be the complete opposite--to be a big slut, having sex with as many men as possible. Growing up, "slut" was a compliment, not an insult. It meant that you were cool and boys liked you. Even now in adulthood, when cliques and high school popularity cease to be an issue, there is still an expectation to be living the single life, not tied down, free to sleep around and pursue highly casual relationships with many different partners.

That's why it was so refreshing to read this true story on Jezebel, about a woman's experience of having only one sexual partner her whole life. She didn't actively set out to achieve this goal. She simply stayed in love with and ultimately married her first serious boyfriend. But she, like me, faced the constant pressure to be promiscuous and felt villified for her decision to choose love over meeting this sexual expectation. There was none of this "purity myth"* bullshit in her life. Everyone around her was having lots of sex--men and women alike--and she was the odd one out, looking like a boring old prude.

I really felt for her, because I can relate. I didn't intentionally find my soul mate at such a young age. It just happened. Now I'm constantly feeling judged because of the fact that I've only had one partner for the past three years and expect to never have another. Some of my friends and especially the media exemplify this ideal of a highly sexual, independent young woman, exploring her sexuality and living a more fulfilled life because of it. I don't have that opportunity. I wish I did, but only because of the pressure; it's not really a genuine desire within me. I just want to stop being judged, feeling like I'm the only one who's not putting all kinds of notches in the bedpost.

That's why I was so glad to read this story. Maybe the author and I are the only ones who are clueless about this pressure to be pure, but it sure is hell is something that I have never felt. I've only ever been pressured to have a lot of partners, and since I haven't and won't, I have to figure out how to come to terms with that. I don't want to be looked down upon just because I found a good guy sooner than most women do and thus gave up the possibility of being promiscuous. It's not fair.

*Not trying to knock Jessica Valenti, because I think she's brilliant. I just can't stand the assertion that all girls are told to be pure, when plenty of us are told the opposite.