Let's talk about parents of young children and how they're some of the most self-absorbed assholes on the planet. If you've ever read the blog www.stfuparentsblog.com, you definitely know what I'm talking about, although even those of you unfamiliar with the blog have probably experienced similar agitation in situations where parents talk about their kids like they're the most important people in the world. There is an unmistakable tendency among parents to assume that all of society should be immensely concerned about their children at all times. Just look at the popularity of those enraging "Baby On Board" signs. Tell me I'm not the only one who wants to run those minivans off the road whenever I see those signs. Where does a parent get the nerve to announce to everyone else that their car is special and deserves extra protection because there's a miniature version of a person inside it? How could anyone be so arrogant as to think that all the rest of us give a damn? The other day I was at a craft fair downtown, and from behind me, I heard this angry mother snap, "You're pushing my son, lady!" I so badly wished I had known if she was directing her bitchy comment at me, because I would have whipped right around and yelled, "Is there a problem, you stupid fucking cunt?" Why this emphasis, as if her son was so much more important than everyone else in the massive crowd of people? Newsflash, I don't give a shit about your kid. Your kid means no more to me than anyone else on the face of this earth. At the grocery store the other day, a mom was digging through a sale bin outside while her toddler was inside, leaning against the automatic door and looking out. I was heading inside, so I slowly, slowly, slowly approached the door, waiting for the kid to move or for the mom to notice, but I guess I inched too close, and the door opened anyway. The kid didn't get hurt, but he did get pushed backwards and looked pretty stunned. I felt bad because the kid was obviously too young to understand automatic doors, but this oblivious mom who wasn't paying any attention to her little troublemaker had the nerve to give me a dirty look! Oh, yeah, I forgot, it's totally my fucking fault for not going out of my way to cater to your moronic child's needs. I should have just waited another 15 minutes for him to stop drooling on the door before I decided to go inside to shop. Seriously, I don't get it. I can't understand this mentality of parents thinking they and their kids are more important than everyone else and should get special treatment. So let me put it in really simple terms here: Parents, I don't give a flying fuck about your stupid, worthless children.