That’s why I went to LiveJournal, because I know that the homepage always has a prompt for people with writer’s block, and today’s prompt was, “What’s the craziest thing you’ve ever done for love?”
It’s a really interesting question, and the truth is that I have absolutely no idea. Love in itself is kind of confusing. How many times have I been in love? How many times can anyone be in love? Is there such thing as a soul mate? Can you fall in love repeatedly? Can you learn to love someone over time?
More importantly, does anyone actually care? No, not even me, so I guess I shouldn’t overanalyze here. I think a much more relevant question would have been, “What’s the craziest thing you’ve ever done for a man?” Because women are crazy anyway, and men are stupid, so when you combine the two together, shit’s totally gonna hit the fan. Love is just a minor detail in that case.
I’ve had more crushes than you’d ever think was possible, and I always end up altering my behavior at least slightly in some weird, out-of-character kind of way so as to make myself more desirable and not cause any problems. I don’t think that it’s a bad thing, and I think that pretty much everybody does it. It’s normal, but I still find it interesting how people interact, always making efforts to please. Then I look at old married couples who bitch and moan and pick wedgies in front of each other, and I sincerely hope that I will never change. I don’t want to be that comfortable with anyone.
So let’s look at some examples throughout my history when I did something that I shouldn’t have done, or did something that most other people wouldn’t do, or just acted like a crazy lunatic, all because of men. (In rough chronological order.)
--I showed my “privates” to a neighbor boy because he wanted to see what girls looked like down there
--I cried for days when my third grade boyfriend dumped me
--I cited “Girls Just Wanna Have Fun” as a reason for a breakup
--I gave up the possibility of easy sex because I feared mental infidelity
--I let someone take the best years of my life
--I told a guy to his face that I only wanted to be his girlfriend because it would make me look cooler
--I walked around for hours alone trying to get picked up by anyone in the neighborhood
--I deliberately put myself into situations in which I knew I’d be objectified by male friends
--I researched witchcraft to cast a love spell on someone I didn’t know
--I wrote countless insane love letters to a Finnish rock star in the middle of the night
--I almost(!) let a weakly disguised homosexual use me as a sexual cover-up
--I tried to organize a professional orgy
--I ignored numerous flaws because of my insecurities
--I made a complete ass of myself in pointless letters to various people who didn’t care
--I didn’t confront my boyfriend about having another girlfriend in Raleigh for the first few months of our relationship
Looking back, I guess most of that stuff is fairly normal. Anyone can look back and ask themselves, “Wait, was that the right thing to do, or should I have handled it differently?” But I feel like I handled each situation exactly as it needed to be handled at the time, and overall, I realize that most of my actions were totally and completely normal.
Some were batshit crazy though (witchcraft??). And you know what, that’s okay with me. While some of it totally sucked--namely the early heartbreak stuff, when the situations were hardly even real so all I was feeling was what I’d built up in my mind and my heart--I don’t regret any of it. I’ve learned a lot over the years, particularly:
--Real boys are better than imaginary boys
--Everyone under 20 is a complete fucking moron
--Men are pigs
--I’m a crazy nutcase
So, to sum it all up... I know I’m not the only one.
You're such an ass. This directly qualifies under, "Have you written anything lately?"
ReplyDeleteOf course there's such a thing as a soul-mate. That's how people are married for like 30-50 years without ever thinking they settled. For the same reason, people decry the divorce rate of 50% as too high (like, "make your crappy marriage work"), but if you find yourself settling with someone other than a soul-mate, it's probably healthier to get a divorce.
I think when people start to get comfortable, they only change their behavior within reason. I want to point to shaving as the best example. First date, dude is usually clean shaven. Tenth, I think a 5 o'clock shadow is seen more often. Uh, I'm sure shaving with girls is the same. Still, I feel like I would never do some things in front of a significant other. Like when one towels off their ass by doing a dance, that's probably best left to alone time.
Who knows if you can love someone over time, but I think one can start to love another's flaws. Didn't you once tell me people can become more sexually attracted through other attractions? It's crazy...I'll pick up on a (physical) flaw on someone, but learn to swiftly dismiss it through emotional attatchment.
Since you walked around the 'hood looking to get raped at age 14, that means that you passed up easy sex at age...12?
I want to hear this story of objectification by male friends. Because you say men are pigs, but yet, who is the one that wants them to act like it?
When I hear "Girls Just Wanna..." on the radio, I sing every word and loudly.
I thought the quote "Because women are crazy...in that case," was brilliant.
I demand you tell me half of these distantly sex-related stories, instead of stupid spiral staircase library ones.
That's a really good point. People shouldn't deprive themselves of a lifetime of happiness just because they made the bad decision to get married to the wrong person. It's okay to start over. And also, I didn't think about it that way, that you can become more attracted to someone physically as you become more emotionally attracted to them. I should listen to what I have to say more often, because I'm totally right.
ReplyDeleteYes I passed up easy sex at age 12. I do think men are pigs, but when a girl is interested in a guy sexually, then she's not going to think he's a pig for trying to get in her pants. Nobody wants fat old creepy guys to hit on them, but it's probably acceptable if a reasonably attractive guy does it. In that case, it's not piggish. Basically, men just need to learn when it's okay to objectify a woman and when it's not.